If you are an active member of the Internet, then you have probably seen the “Ted Cruz is the zodiac killer” meme. Why is this such a big deal? Why do people think he is the zodiac killer? And the most important question… Is he, in fact, the zodiac killer?

While evidence against this claim is compelling and nearly irrefutable, I am here to prove that Ted Cruz is actually the zodiac killer.

For those of you who have never heard of ‘The Zodiac Killer’ before, he is a serial killer responsible for at least 5 deaths but possibly a whopping 37, according to the letters that he sent to the San Francisco Chronicle. These murders took place in the late 1960’s to early 1970’s and the killer has remained unidentified ever since. Until now, that is.

The claims that Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer started via twitter in 2013 when @RedPillAmerica tweeted “#CPAC Alert: Ted Cruz is speaking!! His speech is titled: ‘This Is The Zodiac Speaking'” Obviously it’s a joke, right? Wrong. If enough people say it, then it has to be true. That’s the law.

So right about now you might be thinking “Well Sam, Ted Cruz was only born in 1970. There is no way he could be the Zodiac Killer!” Well, reader, you are wrong. Ted Cruz was allegedly born in Canada in 1970. But if Obama’s birth certificate isn’t real then who’s to say Ted Cruz’s is? Also, if he was smart enough to murder that many people without getting caught, then he was smart enough to fake a birth certificate and take excellent care of himself, considering the fact that, if he is the zodiac killer, he would be at least 65-70 years old. But reader, stranger things have happened.

While looking into this internet conspiracy, have you considered that maybe it overlaps another conspiracy regarding lizard people? There is another conspiracy that has become popular among Internet users that there are lizard people, or aliens, disguising themselves as humans by taking over human bodies and using those bodies to take over our world. They are our favorite celebrities and politicians as well as our most notorious terrorists and serial killers. So what if Ted Cruz, the Zodiac Killer, is also a lizard person in disguise?

Watch out folks! I am getting into some deeeeeeeep stuff here. This is going to change our lives as we know it. The FBI is going to wipe me out because I know! I know that Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer, and so do 38% of voters in Florida. So… Goodbye Floridians, goodbye me, and hello Zodiac for President 2016.